You pour yourself another cup of coffee or grab a snack as you scroll social media and try to ignore the tight feeling in your chest or the nervous feeling of anxiety in your stomach. Being a Mom comes with a lot of rewarding moments, but it can also come with a lot of pressure and stress to be everything to everybody. Being under constant pressure leads us looking for escape routes, ways to distract ourselves and take a break. It can feel like the only way to survive sometimes.
Unfortunately, distracting ourselves and these coping mechanisms don’t tend to solve the real issue. These coping mechanisms aren’t bad, but they often block true healing. Ignoring the underlying issues or numbing the feelings they invoke, feels good in the moment, but creates bigger problems in the long run.
What Distraction Looks Like in Everyday Mom Life
Can you relate to any of these scenarios?
- Scrolling social media
- Snacking mindlessly or emotional eating
- Wine to “relax” at night
- Keeping busy with housework or work
- Avoiding quiet time or rest
- Snapping at others instead of identifying the root feeling
I think most Moms have experienced at least one or 2 of these distracting methods, although it’s possible they might not even be aware that what they are doing is in response to needing relief from the pressure and stress of everyday life.
Why We Distract: It’s a Coping Strategy, Not a Character Flaw
First, I want you to know that there is nothing inherently wrong with you. Many of us were never taught how to regulate our emotions. Most of us were taught to hide our emotions as a way to make others around us feel more comfortable. Our own parents probably tried to distract us from how we were feeling when it became difficult for them to cope with. For instance, they may have tried distracting us by showing us a toy or giving us a cookie when we would cry, as a way to cheer us up. They didn’t do it to harm us, they just weren’t equipped with a better way. They learned from their parents and we’ve learned from ours.
Distractions help us feel in control in the moment and feel some temporary relief. You’re not broken or damaged because you’ve been relying on these coping strategies. You’re just getting through the best way you know how, which is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about.
The Hidden Impact of Avoiding Our Emotions
Sure scrolling on our phones, grabbing a snack or a glass of wine feels like relief in the moment, but these distractions aren’t doing anything for us long term. They aren’t getting to the source of the stress and overwhelm. They aren’t helping us solve any issues and they often create more.
Distracting instead of dealing can impact our physical and mental health. If we don’t take care of the issue and resolve the emotions, they’re just going to resurface again and again. Over time this will interrupt our sleep, affect our digestion and suppress our immune system.
So now, not only are we on an emotional roller coaster, we’re also compounding it by being more fatigued, irritable, less focused and more likely to not feel well. This can also lead to more anxiety, stress and even depression.
None of this will be helpful to us, but it’s also not helpful to the people around us. We’ll become less connected to our family and friends. Losing those connections means less support from others when we need it. We might feel guilty about it, but not know how to fix it.
If you’re already struggling with your relationship with food and you body, not dealing with your emotions is only going to make it harder to heal that relationship. We will never feel comfortable in our bodies or feel freedom around food if we don’t take care of our basic needs first.
What to Do Instead: Small Shifts That Support True Healing
The good news is that you can break this cycle and it can even be fairly simple!
Sometimes, it can take as little as just pausing to check in with yourself. You can tune into your body, paying attention to how you are feeling and what your body is telling you about the emotions you are feeling.
Once you tune in and determine what’s going on, you can take it a step further and write down what sensations you discovered and label the emotions that go along with those feelings. It can make it easier to process the next time you experience the same feelings.
Movement can be a great way to release stress and other emotions. It doesn’t have to take a long time or be too vigorous. It can be as simple and easy as a 5 minute stretch, walk, or dance. Bonus if you can get outside while you do this. Just being outside in the light and fresh air can be healing on it’s own.
Putting a voice to what you are feeling can be powerful as well, whether that’s talking it out with yourself or reaching out to a close friend or relative that’s good at listening. Sharing with others will help free the emotions, but also help us build stronger relationships.
If you are prone to reaching for food or drink when your emotions become too heavy, as a way to numb or distract yourself, there is a way to break free from this habit. When we aren’t getting enough rest, not nourishing our bodies properly or allowing ourselves self-compassion, it’s common to use food as a way to numb our emotions. However, when we start truly taking care of our biological needs, the desire to numb with food tends to fade away.
It’s also important to know that, yes dealing with the cause is important, but so is allowing ourselves to feel our feelings without immediately trying to “fix” them. As humans, we will experiences a variety of emotions and that’s not a bad thing. These are signals from our bodies, trying to tell us something and letting ourselves feel them is us listening to what our bodies are saying.
A Gentle Reminder: You Deserve Support
The last thing you need is to feel guilt or self-judgement for the way you’ve been handling the everyday pressures of life and being a Mom. What you need and deserve is more support. You might have seen the distractions as a way to easily cope without adding more to your already busy life. And you don’t have to do more, but you may want to do things a little differently.
By becoming more aware of the things you’re doing and why, you can start to shift your behaviors towards actions that actually heal you instead of just allowing you take a break temporarily.
It’s also good to remind yourself that it’s ok to ask others for help. It’s okay to slow down when you need to. And it’s definitely okay to feel your feelings without trying fix them, distracting yourself or numbing them.
I talked about how we learned from our parents to deal with emotions (ours and others). Now it’s your turn to change that for you and your kids. You can show them that it’s normal to have different feelings and that they don’t have to hide them or push them down within them. When they see you model this behavior and also encourage it in them, they won’t have to struggle with the physical, mental and emotional outcomes that you have had to live with.
You and your kids deserve this shift towards healing!
I’d love to hear from you. What’s one distraction you’ve been using lately, and what’s one small shift you’re ready to try instead?
