You finally carve out 20 kid-free minutes. You sit down, thinking, “I should do something for me.” But then you start thinking… Should I work out? Start that new meal plan? Meditate? Catch up on emails? Maybe just fold the laundry? Before you know it, your time’s gone, and you’re more overwhelmed than when you started.
As Moms we feel pressure to do everything for everybody and often take care of others before ourselves. When we do get free time, we tend to use it to things off the to-do list instead of doing something that is just for us and our own well-being. We view these things as indulgences instead of the essentials that they are. We feel guilty for using our free time for just us.
We also tend to think that selfcare has to be planned out ahead of time and will take a significant amount of time. In reality, it can be as simple as going back to the basics, taking a few minutes for ourselves each day and knowing what will actually make a difference for us.
What “Self-Care” Has Turned Into (and Why It’s Missing the Point)
I’m sure you’ve seen the posts: a candlelit bubble bath, a glass of wine, a face mask, and the caption “#selfcare.” And while those things can feel good in the moment (and yes, you totally deserve to enjoy them), they’ve also shifted what self-care looks like, and more importantly, what it means.
Somewhere along the way, self-care became an occasional luxury. Something you earn after everything else is taken care of, after the work is done, after the kids are asleep, after the laundry is folded, after you’ve pushed yourself to your limit.
But let’s think about this. If your self-care always comes last, it’s not likely to come often enough to make a real difference.
While bubble baths and spa days might offer a temporary pause and feel good in the moment, they rarely make a difference in our overall day to day. You can’t soak away burnout. Getting your nails done won’t boost your energy. And once the bubbles are gone? You’re still left carrying the same mental load.
The reality is, self-care isn’t indulgence. It’s maintaining our wellness on a regular basis.
It’s getting enough sleep so you’re not running on fumes and dragging by the middle of each day.
It’s drinking water before another cup of coffee.
It’s nourishing your body in a way that gives you energy and enjoyment, not guilt.
It’s asking for help. Saying no. Taking a real breath in the middle of a hectic day.
These aren’t glamorous. But they’re the things that will actually keep you going, not just through the week, but through each and every day.
Self-care isn’t a once-a-month break from your life.
It’s the foundation that helps you show up for your life.
The 3 Overlooked but Vital Self-Care Habits
Sleep Habits
If I had to name the most commonly overlooked self-care practice, it would be sleep. We push ourselves all day long until the point of exhaustion, but a lot of us don’t go to bed as early as we should most of the time. We stay up and try to be more productive or we view it as our chance to have alone time once the kids are in bed. If we’re honest with ourselves though, we aren’t all that productive when we’re dragging and that “me time” isn’t actually doing much for us in the long run.
When we sacrifice sleep, we also sacrifice our health. Sleep is when our body heals and recharges itself. Our bodies and minds need this time to keep us functioning at our best. When we chronically lack sleep, we increase our risk for illness and disease, lack focus, become more irritable and generally just don’t feel good. Is staying up later or getting up earlier, when we don’t have to, really worth all that?
I know it can be a hard habit to break if it’s become your way of life, but it can be done and is definitely worth the effort. It can start as simply as going to bed 30 minutes earlier each night for a week. Next week add another 15-30 minutes of sleep. If you work your way to an extra hour each night, that’s a full extra night’s worth of sleep for the week!
Something that might be helpful in getting more quality sleep is creating a consistent bedtime routine that helps you unwind and relax and not looking at your devices for the last 1-2 hours before bed. You might not want to hear this one, but drinking alcohol before bed does not help you sleep. It actually disrupts your sleep, whether you realize it or not.
Fueling Your Body, Not Just Feeding It
We all have to eat, right!? But our eating habits can have a big impact on our overall mental and physical well-being. Eating whatever is most convenient or going long periods without eating are not ways to care for ourselves. If you want the energy to make it through your day and not have to deal with 9pm cravings, you’ll want to choose foods that are balanced (fat, protein and carbs) and nutrient dense most of the time and not go more than 4 hours between meals/snacks.
Making sure we provide our body proper nourishment not only keeps us energized, but also helps our mental clarity and focus. Avoiding the “eat less” advice that we hear so often will also support our mental and physical health. Eating less, means that you’ll probably miss out on getting the the nutrients you need and/or lead to cravings and binges. Our bodies don’t want to be deprived of nourishment and will trigger us to eat more to make up for it.
Taking care of ourselves means, finding foods we enjoy that both satisfy our hunger and our tastebuds and is essential to our well-being. You don’t have to make this complicated either. Just start paying attention to which foods sustain you, keep you energized, digest well and you enjoy eating. Eat more of those foods and less of the ones that cause your energy to crash and make you go looking for more food an hour later.
Mental and Emotional Recharging
As I mentioned before, It’s great to make time for a spa day or a weekend away to clear your mind from the day to day load, but it doesn’t really have the same impact that daily self-care does. That calm and peaceful feeling can fade pretty quickly when you jump back into the hectic schedule and daily demands of your time and energy.
Always trying to do all the things for everyone and constantly making decisions can create mental and physical exhaustion fairly quickly. Obviously we don’t want to add more time consuming practices to our already busy schedule. So, instead it can be helpful to use effective strategies that take less than 5 minutes of your time.
Quick and Simple Reset Ideas:
- Take 5 minutes and do a journaling brain dump or just doodle
- Try a few rounds of box breathing to activate the parasympathetic nervous system
- A 5 minute walk outside focusing on your breath and your surroundings
- Closing your eyes for 5 minutes and imagine being in a calm and cozy environment
- Give yourself a hug (seems silly, but it works)
Maybe you try them all or maybe you pick a favorite and keep using that one practice over and over again. Soon you’ll be able to incorporate these into your daily life without even giving it much thought.
What Happens When You Get Back to the Basics
When we stop trying to find the quick fixes or thinking we need to go the extra mile to make a difference, everything becomes more simple and doable. We’ll find out that we can feel good on a daily basis without too much extra time or effort.
The reward that we’ll earn for getting back to the basics will comes in many forms. We’ll have more energy and clarity. Our mood will be lifted. We’ll feel a higher sense of worth and confidence. Everyday stressors won’t impact us as much as they used to. And, we’ll show up more positively and fully for the people we love. It will make us better Moms and partners. When we’re happier with ourselves and feeling better in our bodies, we treat other people better too!
Start Small, One Habit at a Time
If you know me, you know that I would never tell you to go out and do it all right now, all at once. That just leads to overwhelm and more stress. You don’t need to completely overhaul your entire routine in one day.
This is not a race. Choose the one thing that seems most doable to you first. Maybe that’s going to bed 15 minutes earlier tonight, doodling on a scrap piece of paper for a few minutes or finding one balanced snack to pack before you head out for the day.
You Don’t Need More… You Need Less Noise
However you’ve been feeling lately (exhausted, burnt out, overwhelmed), I just want you to know that you are not failing. You might be feeling overloaded with everything on your plate and trying to take care of yourself on top of it all, but it will get better and it doesn’t have to be complicated.
Starting with one doable step at a time is where it begins. From there you pick the next simple action and it builds from there. You are completely worth every single effort and deserve to feel good in your life and in your body, no matter what.
What is one small thing that feels simple enough for you to start practicing today? I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas in the comments!
