The Summer arrives and with it comes the self criticism. We start to focus more on how our body looks in the mirror and in a swim suit. We start beating ourselves up for not “fixing” our bodies before the season arrived. We begin to judge ourselves based on our size and shape, compare our bodies to all the other Moms (and all the women we see on social media) and hesitate to join in when it means exposing parts of our bodies we are uncomfortable with.
What if this Summer could be different? What if instead of focusing on what we believe is wrong with our bodies, we could focus on self-compassion and enjoying the moments with our friends and family?
The Power of Modeling Self-Compassion: They’re Watching and Learning
Our kids notice how we treat ourselves, even when we think they don’t. They notice when we avoid situations, like going in the pool, or the look on our faces as we catch a glimpse at ourselves in the mirror. They sense our discomfort when we are choosing to hide instead of join in. And they hear the negative comments we make about ourselves, whether it’s about our bodies or about what we “should” be doing to change our bodies. Even when we try to disguise them as a joke, they notice.
The thing is, they don’t just learn about how we treat and feel about ourselves. They use what we say, what we do and what we avoid as their blueprint when it comes to their own mindset and how they view themselves.
So, the question is, do we want to teach them to view their bodies with self-criticism or self-compassion? Do we want them to feel comfortable in their bodies and free to experience the joy of being present, or be held back by the fear of judgement?
Why Joining In Matters More Than “Looking the Part”
The best memories are made in the moments that we are able to show up fully. Those moments that we allow ourselves to be fully present and not distracted by judgement from ourselves or perceived by others are the ones that really make a difference in our quality of life.
Your family and friends aren’t going to remember what you looked like in your clothes or your body. They will remember the laughter, fun, splashes, interaction and feelings. They won’t care if your body looked “perfect” in a bathing suit. What they will care about is how it felt to play and have fun together.
One of the most common ways we preserve and remind ourselves of the good times is through photographs. I know you like to take pictures of your kids, but don’t forget to be in the pictures too! Your kids want to be able to look back at the fun times they had with you too and see the smile on your face. It can be way to bring back the memories of how it felt in those moments with you.
The Emotional Cost of Self-Criticism
When we don’t feel good about ourselves and don’t believe we’re worthy, we tend to sit out and miss out on opportunities that will lead to a more fulfilling life. Not being an active participant in the activities that our families are enjoying reinforces feelings of shame and creates a disconnection not only from them, but ourselves as well.
When we focus on what we believe is wrong with our body and let it keep us from doing the things we would enjoy, it robs us of that connection and the confidence to try new things. Allowing self-criticism to take over instead of making room for self-compassion keeps us feeling stuck and unhappy. We deserve to experience life and happiness no matter our size or shape.
Not only does this pattern impact our own life and experiences, it sets the tone for our kids. When our kids see us uncomfortable, unhappy and not living life fully they are more likely to do the same thing. They will also start to believe that they have to fit some societal ideal to be worthy of being an active participant in their lives and others.
What Living Fully Looks Like (Even in Imperfect Bodies)
Wouldn’t it be great if you could just say “yes” to playing with your kids in any environment and be fully present in what you were doing? How amazing would it be to not have to first think about your body or what you’ll look like before making the decision to enjoy yourself and your family in a meaningful way?
How would it feel to wear the swimsuit, eat the ice cream or dance around with your kids no matter who is watching, just because it feels good? Life is happening right now in this moment! If we wait to do these things, thinking we need to have a more acceptable body, we will miss out on what’s truly important in life (actually living it).
When we allow ourselves self-compassion and acceptance, we open the doors to spontaneity and don’t get bogged down by overthinking what we “should” do. We can do what feels good in the moment and that leads to better overall health.
What does living fully look like to you right now? If you didn’t put any consideration in to how your body looks, what kinds of things would you allow yourself to do? Would it change your life? Would it change your relationships? How would it impact your kids?
How to Begin Modeling Self-Compassion Today
If you’re ready to let go of the self-criticism and see how self-compassion feels, here are some simple ways you can get started:
- Start to shift your self talk from critical to kind. Speak to yourself the way you would to a friend, even when it’s just inside your own head
- Don’t hide from the camera. Be present and captured as part of the memory made. Say “yes” to the photos!
- When you hear the self-critical thoughts creep in, challenge those thoughts. Question where they are coming from, if they are even true and if they are serving you in a helpful way
- Celebrate your wins! Notice and congratulate yourself for showing up for yourself and doing things that make you feel good. Nothing is too small to celebrate.
This isn’t about being completely confident and suddenly rid of all self consciousness. It’s about shifting in the right direction and being willing to try. It won’t happen overnight, but it you continue to lead with self-compassion instead of negativity, your confidence and happiness with the life and body you have will grow over time.
Self-Compassion Challenge
I want to challenge you to focus in on and model self-love for the next week. I want you to do this not just for your kids, but for yourself. You can start by making a list of the things you enjoy about yourself and the things you love doing. Once you have your list, dive deeper. Explore why you love these things and how they make your life better. What about them brings you joy? Once you’ve got that down, start making the things you enjoy a bigger part of your life.
There’s no reason to put off enjoying your life. You deserve happiness right now, not “when” you fit that picture of the ideal body you have in your mind. You might live in your body, but you are not defined by your body.
Instead of living life based off your shape, start shaping your life in a way that makes life worth living for you and your kids. Show yourself and your kids that appearance doesn’t have to create boundaries when it comes to your quality of life.
Are you up for the challenge?
Tell me one thing you love about yourself or love doing
