It’s Friday night. The kids are finally in bed, the dishes are done, and for the first time all day, you have a moment to yourself. You make a cup of tea, curl up on the couch, and there it is, that brownie you’ve been saving.
You take the first bite and it’s tastes so good, rich, fudgy, exactly what you’ve been craving all week. For a few minutes, you let yourself enjoy it without thinking about anything else.
But as soon as the last bite is gone, the thoughts creep in: “I shouldn’t have eaten that.”
You start calculating the calories in your head. You wonder if you should skip breakfast tomorrow or do an extra-long workout. The peaceful moment is gone, replaced with the sour taste of guilt and shame.
Instead of remembering how good that brownie tasted, you’re now questioning your willpower and promising yourself you’ll “do better” next week.
Does this pleasure and guilt cycle in relationship with food sound familiar to you? Wouldn’t it be great if you could just enjoy the food and not obsess over it afterwards?
Guess what, you can! You can feel more freedom around food and improve your health all at once!
Why We Feel Guilty for Eating the Foods We Love
Is it really that bad if we have a brownie or a piece of cake? Does it really require us to work out more or eat less later? Is eating a brownie truly that detrimental to your health that you have to feel guilty about it and do something to make up for having one, or is it just a self-sabotaging message we’ve been taught to believe?
Our culture has influenced us in such a way that makes us believe that there are “good” and “bad” foods and when we eat these different types of foods, we are better than or less than as a person. Therefore, we feel guilty when we eat the “bad” foods. But, is our morality really tied to the foods we eat? Of course not!
Have you ever said that you “were good today” or that you “cheated” when talking about what you ate? These statements are so common and just prove that it’s become normalized to see eating as a moral choice. Just because it tends to be the norm, doesn’t mean it’s ok though.
It’s become so normalized because these messages have been ingrained in us since childhood from our parents, the fitness/diet industry and the media. Many of us have experienced being guilted into eating, or not eating, at some point in ours lives. We have been bribed to eat or shamed for eating too much.
We have been set up to believe that there is a healthy way to eat and an unhealthy way to eat. We have been lead to believe that how and what we eat influences our worth as a person. To be a “good” person we tell ourselves that certain foods are “bad”, and therefore need to be off-limits. If we eat these foods, it evokes feelings of guilt and shame. Once we feel like we’ve done something wrong, we might decide to just keep doing it since we believe we already failed anyway. Or, our emotions lead us to use food as a way to numb or distract ourselves from these uncomfortable feelings.
The guilt fuels the all or nothing trap/cycle that so many of us fall into.
The Cost of Food Guilt
This emotional tie that we have with food causes us to struggle with our relationship with food. The anxiety, guilt and shame that we associate with what we consume tends to create a preoccupation with food choices. We find ourselves thinking about food all of the time. We think about what, when and how much we should or did eat. This leads to us thinking that we need to really take control over our eating habits. Unfortunately, what commonly happens is, feeling the need to control it makes us feel out of control around our favorite foods that we have labeled as “off-limits”.
When we become obsessed with food and feel the need to have total control, it creates more stress and anxiety in our lives. This stress can disrupt our digestion, metabolism and our overall physical and mental well-being. Plus we stop trusting our bodies and become disconnected from it’s cues, like hunger and fullness. So, we struggle to eat by some rules we’ve concocted instead of in a way that feels good to us and our body actually needs.
Shifting to a Healthier Relationship with Food
Even if our relationship with food has become ingrained in us since childhood, we can still shift our mindset and heal our relationship with food and our bodies. The first step is to start viewing all food as neutral by removing the positive and negative labels. This can help you separate your emotions and feelings of self-worth from what you eat or drink. If foods are neutral, there’s no reason for the guilt.
Another thing you’ll want to do is, give yourself full permission to eat. I know it sounds crazy and most people think that will only lead to overeating, but it actually does the opposite. When we stop restricting, we stop obsessing and craving those foods. This doesn’t mean you should plan to eat any and everything you can get your hands on. It means, when you want something, allow yourself to savor and enjoy it. Take time to experience it fully. Slow down and become aware of the smell, texture, and taste. This will help you truly enjoy what you eat. Increased satisfaction helps reduce overeating.
When we remove the restrictions, the labels and the rules we hold around food, we can begin to listen to our body’s cues again and regain trust with ourselves. We can tune into what foods satisfy us, when we are hungry and when we’re not. We can start to separate and recognize the difference between emotional and physical hunger.
This isn’t something that will happen overnight, it will take some practice and mindset shifts over time. It will require you to slow down and become more aware of what you’re eating. So, removing distractions while you eat, when possible, will really help you focus on your food. It’s also a great practice to start checking in with yourself and how you’re feeling before, during and after eating.
Practical Tips to Break the Love/Hate Cycle
Have you ever heard the common tip to keep foods out of your house that you are trying not to eat or limit? It sounds reasonable, right!? But, it’s not that simple. Doing this, actually creates a scarcity mentality. If it’s typically not available to us, we are much more likely to over consume it when it does become available, because in our mind we might not ever get another chance. If it’s always available and we have full permission, it makes it less enticing.
When we remove the labels and stop considering certain foods as treats or “cheat” foods, they no longer hold any special value to us. They are no longer emotionally charged. They are just food.
If you are still worried about overeating certain foods, you can pair these foods with other foods that are more nutrient dense and filling. Having a balance of different foods will also increase satisfaction. If you’re satisfied, you’ll be less prone to continued eating.
Most importantly, stop judging yourself for the things you eat. You can explore different foods and become curious about your different food choices, reflecting on what lead to your choices. But, judging yourself for your choices will just lead you back into the food guilt cycle, which is never going to create better health.
Real-Life Example
One of my clients, who had been dieting on and off for decades, found that giving herself full permission to eat and removing emotional charged labels from foods lead to more freedom around food and less guilt and overeating. When she would go to the store and buy a candy bar, before we started working together, she would get back to her car and quickly eat the whole thing. She would feel guilty about eating the candy bar immediately afterwards. After we began working together, and she began allowing herself full permission to eat any food without judgement, she would still get the candy bar. But, after a couple of bites, she would find that she didn’t really want any more of it and save the rest for later. It didn’t come from a place of restriction, it came from a place of awareness and satisfaction. Removing the guilt, also removed the feelings of being out of control around the previously perceived “cheat” foods.
What I Really Want You to Know
You can love what you eat, be satisfied by it and not feel guilt and shame for it. You don’t have to feel limited or restricted to eat in a healthy way. We are meant to enjoy food and be nourished by it (mind and body).
Shifting our mindset away from the diet culture mentality and tuning into our own bodies is the path to true healing and health, that everyone deserves.
If you want to get started on this path and want to check out my Starter’s Guide, click the button below
